Sarah Palin demands, “I want butts on seats and panic in the streets!”

We know from Frank Bailey’s memoir of his years as Sarah Palin’s #1 paid sycophant that Mrs Palin daily issued her talking points to her cult website, conservatives4palin. These were relayed via another paid Palin sycophant, Bekki Mansour.

Sadly for Bekki, she was fired in May for talking out of her big mouth instead of out of her big ass as usual. Obviously Mrs Citizen Palin has been running her own interference with her cult, because they have become like Mrs Citizen Palin herself – hyperactive, erratic, focused on meaningless small details, loud, desperate, and dishonest.

The focus of all this angst is Mrs Palin’s glowing film tribute to herself – The UnderFetid – that she is pushing with whatever energy is left after the effect of the diet pills and Red Bull dies down. She must be emailing her writers at conservatives4palin at least ten times a day – in the past 18 days they’ve written a staggering 75 posts praising the Palin tribute movie and begging each other every couple of hours to go see this movie every couple of hours. (see below) Mrs Palin issued each of the resident scribblers with a copy of the movie but it’s not clear if they wrote their glowing reviews of it before or after they received the film.

The scribblers have begged each other to buy 5 tickets in an attempt to make sure there are sellout screenings (in theaters seating less than 150). One poor, lonely middle-aged (and more-than-slightly-creepy) man has available nine spare tickets, he says. (Sapwolf, a ticket to see Palin’s Triumph of the Will is not a way to meet women, whatever you think.)

So – why all this fuss about an infomercial? Because Mrs Palin is hoping against hope that ordinary folks who think she’s an ignorant attention whore

will pay ten bucks out of curiosity to view this heavily-censored record of her political life.

Mrs Palin is further hoping that the ‘curious’ general public will be so moved by her tribute to herself that they will soon be rioting in the streets, demanding she run for President of the United States in the same anguished manner that the Palinutz do: “Only you can save America, Sarah Palin!”

The recent “world premiere” of this lop-sided advertisement was well-attended – but only by the media. The hordes and hordes of Palin admirers demanding Sarah Palin run for President just never showed up (even though, according to them, there are millions of them).

However, in an effort to fill up the theater by taking up at least three seats, the lonely, unemployed and desperate Bekki Mansour did show up.

All she got for her trouble was the v-e-r-y cold shoulder from a former employer with a very rude crucifix vajazzle …

I don’t know of any person (reasonable or otherwise) who wants to sit through a two-hour advertisement for Sarah Palin, even for the inevitable laughs, so I guess I’ll never know what the movie was really like – but here’s one of the first reviews. The reviewer was consequently not invited to the NY preview of the final cut.

Rotten Tomatoes is also on the case, and of one mind:

Sarah Palin’s tribute to herself (meaning without the scandals of the sports center, Dairygate and Troopergate for starters) will open today in a theater not near you or anyone you know, for a very limited run. If you see it and believe any of it, please drop me a line. I have a pipeline to nowhere you might be interested in laying a bet on.

Conservatives4Palin has failed miserably in all of their efforts and they’re running out of ways to satisfy Mrs Palin’s demands (words are so elitist, aren’t they?) but she has a bee up her ass about her movie tribute and she keeps right on their backs. Every day.