Sleazy film distributor uses children to bump up attendance at Sarah Palin infomercial

July 17, 2011 - Comments Off on Sleazy film distributor uses children to bump up attendance at Sarah Palin infomercial

The fundamentalist Victory Film Group is so desperate after the opening failure of Sarah Palin’s glowing tribute to herself that they’ve looked to the kiddies to help her out.

Not everyone’s kids spend their time lying to their parents and getting trashed on booze and fornicating in groups like Bristol Palin habitually did, and the film distributor has tracked down some of the youngest and most vulnerable members of the Sarah Palin Cult to persuade them to record something glowing about the star of the movie investment that’s bleeding money.

It’s bizarre watching a 15-year-old urging Sarah Palin to run for office – and me to vote for her – but I have to admit these kids learned their Palin talking points and ‘victim language’ very, very well.

I have to admit, also, that I’m tired of hearing about the millions of Palin supporters out there – nobody ever mentions which planet these supporters live on!

Sarah Palin demands, “I want butts on seats and panic in the streets!”

July 15, 2011 - Comments Off on Sarah Palin demands, “I want butts on seats and panic in the streets!”

We know from Frank Bailey’s memoir of his years as Sarah Palin’s #1 paid sycophant that Mrs Palin daily issued her talking points to her cult website, conservatives4palin. These were relayed via another paid Palin sycophant, Bekki Mansour.

Sadly for Bekki, she was fired in May for talking out of her big mouth instead of out of her big ass as usual. Obviously Mrs Citizen Palin has been running her own interference with her cult, because they have become like Mrs Citizen Palin herself – hyperactive, erratic, focused on meaningless small details, loud, desperate, and dishonest.

The focus of all this angst is Mrs Palin’s glowing film tribute to herself – The UnderFetid – that she is pushing with whatever energy is left after the effect of the diet pills and Red Bull dies down. She must be emailing her writers at conservatives4palin at least ten times a day – in the past 18 days they’ve written a staggering 75 posts praising the Palin tribute movie and begging each other every couple of hours to go see this movie every couple of hours. (see below) Mrs Palin issued each of the resident scribblers with a copy of the movie but it’s not clear if they wrote their glowing reviews of it before or after they received the film.

The scribblers have begged each other to buy 5 tickets in an attempt to make sure there are sellout screenings (in theaters seating less than 150). One poor, lonely middle-aged (and more-than-slightly-creepy) man has available nine spare tickets, he says. (Sapwolf, a ticket to see Palin’s Triumph of the Will is not a way to meet women, whatever you think.)

So – why all this fuss about an infomercial? Because Mrs Palin is hoping against hope that ordinary folks who think she’s an ignorant attention whore

will pay ten bucks out of curiosity to view this heavily-censored record of her political life.

Mrs Palin is further hoping that the ‘curious’ general public will be so moved by her tribute to herself that they will soon be rioting in the streets, demanding she run for President of the United States in the same anguished manner that the Palinutz do: “Only you can save America, Sarah Palin!”

The recent “world premiere” of this lop-sided advertisement was well-attended – but only by the media. The hordes and hordes of Palin admirers demanding Sarah Palin run for President just never showed up (even though, according to them, there are millions of them).

However, in an effort to fill up the theater by taking up at least three seats, the lonely, unemployed and desperate Bekki Mansour did show up.

All she got for her trouble was the v-e-r-y cold shoulder from a former employer with a very rude crucifix vajazzle …

I don’t know of any person (reasonable or otherwise) who wants to sit through a two-hour advertisement for Sarah Palin, even for the inevitable laughs, so I guess I’ll never know what the movie was really like – but here’s one of the first reviews. The reviewer was consequently not invited to the NY preview of the final cut.

Rotten Tomatoes is also on the case, and of one mind:

Sarah Palin’s tribute to herself (meaning without the scandals of the sports center, Dairygate and Troopergate for starters) will open today in a theater not near you or anyone you know, for a very limited run. If you see it and believe any of it, please drop me a line. I have a pipeline to nowhere you might be interested in laying a bet on.

Conservatives4Palin has failed miserably in all of their efforts and they’re running out of ways to satisfy Mrs Palin’s demands (words are so elitist, aren’t they?) but she has a bee up her ass about her movie tribute and she keeps right on their backs. Every day.




Happy Quittin’ Day, Sarah Palin!

July 3, 2011 - Comments Off on Happy Quittin’ Day, Sarah Palin!

For some, the unforgettable thing about that day was Sarah Palin’s erratic breathing, huffing and panting (everything but the bong noise).

For others, it was the formless, wandering and bizarre “speech”.

But my outstanding memory is of Ma Palin’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad drug hair.

One brave little bot had some concerns over the derisive laughter that greeted the quitting speech, so much so that it recently did some research to find some answers:

The total speech lasted 18m38s. As every speech has an introduction, main body, and conclusion I tried to divide her speech into those categories.

The first time Sarah said she was not seeking reelection occurred at 11m21s, or 62% of the way into her speech.
The first time she said she was handing authority to Parnell occurred at 12m19s, or 67% of the way into her speech.

A few thoughts upon reaquainting myself with this speech. First, it had a highly unusual structure. Most speeches have a small introduction and conclusion, and a big main body. Sarah’s had the introduction as the biggest part, and the main body not too much bigger than the conclusion.

Personally I think the speech would have been stronger if the introduction and conclusion had both been only a few sentences each. The reason for the speech, namely why she was resigning, kind of got lost in amongst a lot of other stuff. Eleven and twelve minutes are much too long to get to the two most important statements in the speech, namely that she is not seeking reelection and that she would in fact be stepping down early.

Second, it would also have been better if she had numbered her reasons.

Third, her statement “Don’t explain: your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe you
anyway” was something I disagreed with at the time, and time has proven that it was false.

Fourth, while the speech was relatively weak her delivery was fine. The problem was the speech as it was written not as it was delivered.

What would this smart little bot have written had it been aware that Ma Palin her very self wrote that erratic, nonsensical and amateurish bullshit all by herself? Ha!

Since Sarah Palin up and quit her elected position in Alaska she has lived the life she always dreamed of …. wealth, celebrity, a microphone … yet she insists she was drummed out of the job (a job she hated, according to her published emails). If only it were so easy to get every two-bit, good-for-nothing governor out of office.

Happy Quittin’ Day, Quitter!

Sarah Palin’s Vajazzle-for-Jesus Proves She’s Not Running

July 2, 2011 - Comments Off on Sarah Palin’s Vajazzle-for-Jesus Proves She’s Not Running

No rational woman with some experience of life and aspirations of high political office would ever publicly decorate her pudenda in such an offensive manner. Ever.

No wonder people don’t like Sarah Palin.

The presidency requires a rational person. Game over.

Diana; born July 1st, 1961

July 1, 2011 - Comments Off on Diana; born July 1st, 1961

A Game: Spot the Palin Woman Who Was Never Pregnant and Unmarried

June 29, 2011 - Comments Off on A Game: Spot the Palin Woman Who Was Never Pregnant and Unmarried

From left: Unwed Teen Mother Kandice, Shotgun Bride Sarah, Unwed Teen Mother Bristol, Shotgun Bride Britta, Never-Pregnant-and-Unmarried Piper.

Let’s play again: Spot the Palin/Heath Woman Who’s Never Been Pregnant and Unmarried:

The Palin-Heath Women Who Can’t Keep Their Panties Up Club:
Back row from left: Abby Heath, Sarah Palin’s middle-aged brother Chuck Heath’s latest Shotgun Bride, Unwed Teen Mother Kandice, Shotgun Bride Sarah, Unwed Teen Mother Bristol, Shotgun Bride Britta, Sarah Palin’s mother Shotgun Bride Sally, Sarah Palin’s sister Shotgun Bride Molly. Front row: Never-Pregnant-and-Unmarried Piper (honorary member).

It seems that the only one of these freaks who stopped rutting long enough to organize some contraception is Willow Palin. For now.

Why You Should NOT Buy Bristol Palin’s Book of Lies

June 28, 2011 - Comments Off on Why You Should NOT Buy Bristol Palin’s Book of Lies

It’s all over the internet FREE. Like here, for example.

Michele Bachmann & Sarah Palin: who is the more stupid and who is the bigger liar?

June 28, 2011 - Comments Off on Michele Bachmann & Sarah Palin: who is the more stupid and who is the bigger liar?

This is so like a chicken-and-egg thing, isn’t it? Which one was a STUPID LIAR first?

1. I wasn’t paying attention in history class.

Bachmann: While pandering in NH, claimed the shot heard around the world was fired in “Lexington and Concord”, New Hampshire.

Reality: Lexington, Massachusetts

Palin: Claimed Paul Revere rode through town ringing his bell and firing shots to warn the British.

Reality: Paul Revere rode silently under cover of night because the mission was secret.

2. I wasn’t paying attention in geography class.

Bachmann: While pandering in Iowa, claimed John Wayne came from Waterloo, IA – where she was born.

Reality: John Wayne did not – but serial-killer John Wayne Gacy DID.

Palin: While pandering in California, claimed Ronald Reagan attended “California’s Eureka College”.

Reality: Reagan attended Eureka College in Illinois – where he was born and raised.

4. I didn’t pay attention in biology class.

Bachmann: “I have a titanium spine”.

Reality: She is a middle-aged woman with her share of arthritic degradation and osteoporosis.

Palin: “I have a still spine.”

Reality: She is a middle-aged woman with her share of arthritic degradation and osteoporosis.

4. I didn’t pay attention to who birthed my kids.

Bachmann: “I raised 23 foster kids.”

Reality: She did no such thing – and will soon be exposed for this lie.

Palin: “I delivered Trig from my very own loins in Alaska on April 18, 2008 after endangering my unborn baby’s life for 26 hours.”

Reality: She did no such thing – and will soon be exposed for this lie.

Running for President (or Queen Esther) is gonna be hell, girls!

Sarah Palin Cult Rejects Disabled Palin Fans: “WE need to look young and active, not like Tea Party”

June 28, 2011 - Comments Off on Sarah Palin Cult Rejects Disabled Palin Fans: “WE need to look young and active, not like Tea Party”

So much for “you will have a friend and advocate in the White House”.

The shallowness – and desperation – of Mrs Palin and the Palin Cult is being exposed at 100 mph these days …

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ritachang2 [Moderator] Today 05:45 PM
Can I make a suggestion? For those who are going to be able to go to Pella, dress well (conservatively). You don’t need to wear a flag shirt or cap. Nothing garish!!! Have you ever seen Sarah wear something like that? OK, then! Also, no motor scooters. WE NEED TO LOOK YOUNG AND ACTIVE — not like your typical TEA Party!!!
Flag
grizzlyrising and 8 more liked this Like Reply Reply
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Got that, Teabaggers? The Sarah Palin Cult thinks you’re ugly and useless …

We wondered how all of this squared with Palin Cult Head Bitch, Bekki Mansour. She’s morbidly obese, just this side of a scooter herself. We noticed she was in the vicinity of the world premiere of Sarah Palin’s Tribute to Herself, The UnderFetid, this week (although the betting is she’s still exiled to Siberia).

There is still hope for the Teapotties, however – The New Queen Esther, Michelle Bachmann, just loves people who are “different”; one look at this guy tells you that.

Bristol Palin’s New Chin™ … so big you can now find it on a map!

June 25, 2011 - Comments Off on Bristol Palin’s New Chin™ … so big you can now find it on a map!

And pretty soon her new fat lips will have their own zipcode …

… but that prehistoric monster jawbone will probably need an international treaty.